美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

superdaily     2016-12-13     31     检举

【文/观察者网 吴娅坤】据彭博社12月7日称,苹果公司的主要供应商富士康目前正在就扩大美国业务,以及在美国本土投资建厂的可能性进行初步商讨。

美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

随后,鸿海方面对此发表了正式的官方声明称,“虽然投资的具体金额还不确定,只要我们的决策层与美国相关部门完成商讨,我们一定会第一时间发布相关消息”。该声明还提到,计划的达成将基于双方均同意的条件。

在大选过程中,特朗普就曾公开呼吁苹果将生产线转移至美国创造就业称,“我将敦促苹果公司在我们的土地上制造电脑和iPhone手机,而不是在中国。”此外,他还承诺将把资金回流企业的税收从目前的26%降至10%~15%。但据相关估算,在美国生产一部iPhone手机成本,将达到人民币一万四千块。

此次富士康在美国投资建厂的新闻再度引起了外界对“iPhone美国造”的众多猜测。本文是彭博社专栏作家Tim Culpan以郭台铭的口吻撰写的专栏文章,观察者网对此特别进行了谐趣编译。

美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

亲爱的特朗普先生:

我猜你还不知道我是谁,容我先来进行一下自我介绍,我叫郭台铭,英文名叫Terry,你兜里那部iPhone,没错,就是我造的。

首先,我要对你成功当选新一任美国总统,表示诚挚的祝贺。你竞选总统还成功了这事,让我很受启发。我觉得,是时候考虑一下我要不要也去参选个台湾“总统”当当了。说不定你下次想找台湾“总统”聊天,电话那头就会女声变男声,由我去接电话啦。

你还别小瞧我,咱俩共同点可多了去了。首先,咱俩都是大富豪吧,虽然我比你更有钱一点,但我绝对不会因为这个看不起你的;其次,咱俩都喜欢盖大楼造房子;此外,咱俩还都娶了个年轻貌美大长腿的夫人;最后呢,我也烦死华尔街了。

你之前拉选票的时候拍著胸脯给选民们保证,说上台后一定让他们都能找著工作,但我觉得其实不用这样。看在咱俩有这么多共同点的份儿上,小弟我给你一个不太成熟的小建议:帮他们找啥工作啊,只要能让他们觉得你往这方面使劲了就行了呗。虽然这话是我挑明的,但我猜你肯定会在心里给我鼓一百下掌,毕竟最熟悉这一套的还是你嘛。

偷偷告诉你,这事其实一点都不难,如果让我来帮你的话。还不明白?老兄你赶紧去什么巴西、印尼、印度,还有大陆的几个省瞅瞅吧,然后你就能整明白是咋回事了。

美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

咱们举个栗子啊,就说那印尼,我的福地之一。啊不对,我脑子有点懵,我还没在那儿生产过iPhone呢,而且……可能永远都不会把厂子开到印尼去。但是呢,印尼人还是很稀罕我的,因为我在那儿蔫儿悄地开了个闭门会议,然后那些虎吵吵的领导们啊就开始给媒体吹牛了,吹什么“是我拉来了Terry郭啊”,“他答应给我们投资100个亿的美金建造产高端大气上档次的iPhone手机啦”,“看看看,这可都是我的政绩啊”。对于这些印尼当官的吹下的牛,我也很无奈啊,能怎么办呢,又不是我的错,无奈摊手咯。

再来说说超级聪明的我一般是怎么干事儿的。我呢,就充分发挥想像力,天马行空地开出一堆条件,说:这个这个这个,你们都给我满足了,然后我就来这儿开厂,带你们造全球著名的大苹果手机。然后我就坐那儿看着这些当官的斗来斗去,组团掐架。一拨人喊著:答应他答应他!答应他了我们就有选票了,还能再干五百年;另一拨人喊回去:你们瞎吵吵啥,就这要求答应他,不闹呢嘛。

嗯,来让我梳理一下思绪,对,我这是讲到正题上了,我就想给你说这个来着。

美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

有人告诉我说,你想让苹果手机回美国生产,还专门把蒂姆·库克叫去训话了。其实这事他说了不算,这事得找我商量,因为iPhone是我造,又不是他造。你觉得我说话分量不够?开玩笑,我可是去年一年从苹果手里赚来750亿美元的大老板。

真的,我的的确确是一个干大事的人,不怎么会说,但做事情肯定是一把好手。之前库克和我商量,说为了少交关税,能不能搬点生产线去巴西,我这人够义气,说搬就搬!但具体在操作上,我动了一点点小心思,并没给当地创造很多很多就业哟。没错,你猜对了,我就是用了上面我说到的那个办法——虚晃一枪,只是出口了我提前就造好的iPhone然后运到巴西,像拼乐高积木一样,一组装,完事!

这也不是我投机取巧,因为我真的达到大家的目的了啊,你好我好大家好。苹果高层也开心了,巴西领导人也开心了。至于谁来对这事买单嘛……反正不是我,要不你猜猜看?

所以,你想要在美国生产iPhone,这对我来说太容易了,根本不算事。只要你一声令下,我甚至可以马上动工,在特朗普大厦里给你建一条生产iPhone的流水线,毕竟还是让你开心最重要,但我还是要稍稍提个醒,成本可能会很高哟。你说不许有这么高的成本,那我可是会跟你翻脸的。同为商人,还有那么多共同点,你也要为我考虑考虑吧,我有成本,我需要雇工人,我需要布局交通,我还缴税,我还要……反正我还要好多好多。

所以,你也明白了,我为什么要在中国大陆生产iPhone,这都是有原因的啊,毕竟有人曾说过,“没有无缘无故的爱,也没有无缘无故的恨”,高峰期我在中国大陆可是有100万流水线工人的。其实在中国大陆生产也不是特别便宜,我之所以在那里生产,主要是因为那儿有我上千家的供应商,这些供应商去我的工厂过半条马路就到了,我又何必让他们全部坐半天飞机去美国出差呢。

美媒仿郭台铭语气给特朗普写信:苹果手机回美国造?做梦!

当然啦,美国技术先进我是一万个同意的。如果在美国能多部署一些机器人,我觉得方案可行。不过,这会造成两方面的问题。第一,人类学几个小时就学会的东西,机器人得学多久,得花小半年功夫吧;第二,活全让机器人干了,你当初的那些选民还得喝西北风啊。

什么,你说提高关税?我猜这没什么用;但如果你承诺减税,承诺补贴就业,承诺给我用的电打五折,还能赏我几大片地……那么这事我觉得还有的商量。你总说媒体曲解你的话,那我报纸电视都不看了,就天天守着推特等你在上面公布这个方案,最好是具体花多少钱,给我减多少钱的数字,毕竟商人,咱们还是用踏踏实实的数字说话比较靠谱。到时候我一定在推特上“转评赞”一条龙变着法地夸你。

最后的最后,怕你忘了,还是想提醒一下,就跟在美国和墨西哥间竖的那道墙一样,这钱得你掏,可千万别往我身上来,这种赔本的生意我可不做,我是正经生意人,跟你这动不动就胡思乱想的,可不一样。

此致

鸿海董事长 郭台铭

(翻页看英文版原文)

Dear Mr. Trump,

You don't know me but I'm Terry Gou, the man who makes your iPhone.

Let me start by congratulating you on the election. Your victory made me consider running for office myself. Next time you talk with the president of Taiwan, it might be me on the other end of the line.

We have a lot in common, you and I. We're both billionaires (although I am richer), we both like to build things, we're both married to gorgeous younger women, and we both hate Wall Street.

I know that you've been telling your constituents that you're going to create a lot of jobs, so I want to give you some advice.

First, you don't actually have to create any jobs, you just have to make people think you're going to create them. I am sure you're familiar with the concept.

Actually, I can help you with that. If you look at Brazil, Indonesia, India and half a dozen Chinese provinces, you'll see that my work speaks for itself.

Take Indonesia, one of my proudest achievements. Oh no, I haven't built a single iPhone there and probably never will. During closed-door discussions, they allowed themselves to believe I might invest $10 billion in a mobile-phone factory. It's not my fault some over-eager politician, keen to burnish his reputation as a can-do leader, blabbed to the media.

All I need to do is lay out my demands and watch while the bureaucrats and politicians argue about whether they can afford to have me or risk falling short on a campaign pledge.

So that's where you and I need to talk. I hear you've been telling people you're going to get Apple to build stuff in America. Well, you see, Tim Cook doesn't build things, I do. In fact, I got $75 billion in revenue from them last year.

I am a doer, Mr. Trump. I get things done. When Apple told me to start making iPhones in Brazil to get around import tariffs, I made it happen. It didn't create much employment, mind you, because I just exported pre-fabricated iPhones for the locals to slot together -- kind of like Lego -- but it got the job done. And by job, I mean kept Apple's and Brazil's leaders happy. And who do you think paid for it? Not me.

If you want iPhones to be made in America, I can make that happen, too. Heck, I can set up a production line in Trump Towers if you like, but the costs will be yuuuge. I have to cover my expenses, which include factories, labor and transport. You see, I don't manufacture in China just because it's cheaper, but because thousands of suppliers are there, within spitting distance of my factories and the one million people I employ during peak season.

I can deploy more robots in the U.S., sure, but it can take months to train them whereas humans can be taught in a few hours. Besides, more robots means fewer jobs.

Bumping up your import tariffs won't change the equation much, but give me tax breaks, subsidies to hire workers, cheap electricity and free land, and I'm sure we can come to some arrangement. Let me know what numbers you want to Tweet, and I've got your back.

But just remember: Like that wall you're planning to build, somebody's going to have to pay. And it won't be me, let me tell you.

Best,

Terry Gou

Chairman, Foxconn Technology Group.